Friday, May 22, 2009

The Other Side

Self Portrait - The Other Side (mechanical pencil, 9x11)

Over at Inspire Me Thursday this week the word was warrior. What popped immediately into my head was to do a self portrait. It looks a little flat in the photo here. In real life there is more depth to it. And I am resisting the urge to rework the cheeks again - I think they should be a little rounder perhaps. I haven't done a self-portrait in 20 years - not since Mr Robertson back at Thom Collegiate made us get out the mirrors and pencils in grade 12 art class. It's a little intimidating to do but I did it and now I'm just going to leave it alone and stop mucking with it.

Here is the reason I chose to do a self portrait for this inspiration word...

I have been through stuff. Not happy stuff, catastrophic to me at the time it happened. In the big picture nobody died. Cheating ex (that's why he's ex), anxiety attacks, depression... all that sort of thing. Sometimes it felt like I was at war and had to fight just to keep going. Sometimes quietly with determination, sometimes with the support of friends, sometimes loudly and alone with lots of tears of shear frustration at what was happening in my life. There were a couple of times that I felt like just giving up. There are times when I am at war with myself even still and I can be my own worst enemy. But I keep plugging away and somehow I manage to get through. It isn't always pretty but I manage.

So I decided to do a self portrait. It was done from a photo on a day when I was happy and having fun because who takes a picture of themself when they have been bawling or want to just curl up under a rug and go to sleep??? So I look happy in this and I think that represents where I have gotten to right now. I have struggled and perservered and come out the other side the victorious warrior, so to speak. At least for now...

There is a song written by Kevin Welch (Wynonna Judd recorded it as well) called The Other Side and it is all about making it through the tough stuff and knowing that you are strong enough to do it. That song got me through things that at the time seemed impossible. So this portrait is of me on the other side of the blackness I went through and optimistic about the future.

I know I am through this part but I also know that there will be more to come. When learning to become a better self there is always stuff that you will have to work through and perservere through. So althought this is me on the other side, so to speak, I also know that I will have to continue to be a warrior to keep growing as a person and becoming who it is I want to be.

And now I am going to hip PUBLISH POST before I chicken out. Here goes...

1 comment:

melanie said...

Kudos to you for having courage to be a warrior during the tough times, for creating a beautiful self portrait and for sharing it and your thought-provoking musings! Thanks for participating at Inspire Me Thursday.


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